Two birthday(s) and one funeral.

oh wow.. where to start.. hmm

7.00 AM (in the morning) We get up and get ready.. as I'm waking Alexander up to change his diaper and have him drink a bottle of baby cereal (valling.) I hear it's raining outside.. and now to add insult to injury (yeah, it's not fun standing out in a cemetery (kyrkogard) with a 1 year old, in the rain, with an umbrella, that's a wrestling match with a outcome that is pretty much lose in any way you can look at it.) It starts thundering with pretty wild flashes of lightning. WOOHOOO!!
Ususally I LOVE this kind of weather. I LOVE IT.
Today is a sad day, today we are supposed to stand in a cemetery, listening to cermony for quite some time, watching a casket being lowered to the ground. I have a one year old generally wild/happy boy which I'm going to have to carry most of the time since he's in a extremely shy phase lately and only being in the arms of his mother can calm him enough that he won't scream bloody murder. Today cannot rain and thunder. ESPECIALLY not when I'm holding a 1 year old baby boy.
With much unhappy feelings I pack up the possible things I think we need (hairbrush, some extra clothes, diapers, baby food and juice, som general things. I was going to bring a toy for Alexander but due to being pressed for time, I forgot.).
Anthony sprints to the car with Alexander in his arms to escape the pouring hosed-like (vattenslang) rain. I put on my clothes, make sure the lights are turned off and everything is in order before it's my turn to sprint. Lightning everywhere! To the cool effect of it being purple over here. Yes our lightning is purple, unlike in sweden where it's usually just white or slightly yellow'ish.
As we start driving through the town to get to the highway to Warsaw (missouri) the rain pours down HARD and we can barely see through the glass window. I'm thinking all kinds of unhappy thoughts. Shit shit shit shit shit shit please stop! please stop!
A couple of miles outside of town, the rain calms down, but not before I get to see the lightning strike down atleast on 3 diffrent occasions followed by large bangs to go with. That was actually pretty cool!
The car ride is fairly quiet down to warsaw, Alexander is playing a little bit in the backseat, I'm trying to cheer my husband up by just rambling (smaprata och svamla) I am worried.
It's both my husband's and son's birthday and it will begin with a funeral. It's my son's first birthday, I don't want it to ever be associated with this, it's kind of sad. It always will, but I'm hoping most people will rather remember her fondly (my grandmother in law) than thinking of the sadness from the funeral.
We arrive in Warsaw at my mother-in-law's place. Anthony goes first to greet people and then to grab a smoke (yes, he started with that filthy habit again, hopefully it will be a short one.) I grab Alexander, we say hi to the dogs first, Rusty and Max. Alexander is a bit newly awake and tired, still and is shy but curious as this is his first concious meeting with an animal. Last time he was up close with an animal he was too young to care or understand that they are living beings with their own wills.
We go inside only to greet aunt Amina (faster) popop Dean (styvfarfar). Alexander turns from sleepy-shy to extremely shy! Good lawd. If they even dared to look at him, he'd cling on to me faster than speed racer and nearly strangle me in the process of holding my neck hard with his tiny arms.
We all nod at each other and agree that today is a sucky day. Amina has to go directly to school after the funeral cermony as they are in the middle of doing midterms (viktiga terminprov som utgor halften av betygen i skolan). Anthony had decided that we were going home directly after, which I'm very muchly against. First off, our son would be very VERY hungry after the cermony since the eating schedule falls in on it being before-lunch meal/brunch an hour after the cermony starts. Second, he would badly need a new diaper since it's been 4 hours since he had his last one and if anything, my son pisses like a horse. Seriously. I've had diapers falling apart from being too wet from pee. So yeah.. Dean would have to be there for Ellen as it was her mother being burried, we all had pretty busy schedules ahead of us.
All of the sudden, one of the house cats (Ginger) is laying on the floor infront of me, I bend down with Alexander, introducing each other and patting her, this makes her all lovey dovey and starts to purr. Alexander wakes up and gets very excited. He MUST touch her!
I show him how to gently pat her in which he complies (forstar) and pats her gently. She gets up and starts stroking herself against my leg, Alexander gets excited +++!! He dives down (which prompts me to instantly put him down on the floor otherwise I'm going to drop him and that's not good!) and starts crawling after the poor cat who is circulating my legs, though when she discovers she is being, in fact, hunted, she gets a little nervous and tries to escape the speedy crawling boy on four. He chases her giggling till she jumps up on a couch after rounding a corner, thus out smarting him now (just you wait Ginger, he will grow big enough to walk, run and climb up on a couch to reach you!). I hear him call for me and I pick him up, I notice Anthony outside and we go to see what's up. We talk for a little bit and all of the sudden the dogs walks up to us again, Alexander being very awake after the wonderful interaction with the cat, falls instantly in love with the dogs!
Max being the most affective one comes up against Alexander (who is now standing on the porch, holding my leg) and sniffs him while wagging (vifta) his tail. Alexander applies his recently taught action of petting a pet! He pets Max, he hugs Max and he wants to kiss Max! (I put a stop to that before any lips were touched on both parts. Max is an outdoor dog, I don't really care for my son kissing Max at the moment)
Anthony decides to go and talk to Dean for a bit and walks off, dogs following him merrily (gladligen) Alexander starts breathing fast and looks at me with wild eyes, he MUST go with them! He must see and pet the dogs! He breathes fast and starts diving towards the flooring of the porch to crawl after then, thinking the wood on the porch is pretty cold, I grab his hand to let him walk (as well as practice on it). He runs. I'm clumsily trying to keep up with him. His legs are almost spinning from trying to run to the dogs. He's very excited! His first interaction with big dogs that are soft and responding to his actions.
We go around the corner and see the dogs again, in which he lets out a happy cry, loud enough for Max to notice and come and say hi to him, they play for a little bit before Anthony decides it's time to go.
We drive up to my grandfather-in-law's house. Alexander is in an excellent mood, he's talking the entire way there, most likely about his meet and greet with the dogs, he usually talks about something exciting that happen to him (he uses the same word he decides they are called when he talks about his previous experience). We meet some relatives and my mother-in-law, Ellen. Alexander turns into instant and extremely shy again, no one is allowed to look at him, even less hold him or talk to him again (well, other than me and Anthony)
Amina joins us after awhile, Alexander actually let her look at him without burying his body into mine, this is progress! Even more so when Alexander is actually brave enough to climb down from my lap and stand near me, walk a little bit along the couch we were sitting on and interact with my grandfather-in-law. He's not happy, he is burying his wife today, his wife of 71 years. But he still manage to put on a brave smile for the innocent happy but shy little boy. He's not happy though. He gets helped getting changed into a suit and we are off to the funeral home.

Anthony get's more and more depressed, he was very fond of his grandmother, they used to call each other and just talk for the love of it. I knew they were very fond of each other. Hell, I was very fond of Mary, too.
Anthony is one of the pole bearers (kistbarare). A heavy duty both physically and mentally.
We arrive at the funeral home (begravningshem.).
Now, I would like to bring up a quick description of what we do in Sweden. Usually.
We gather up at a funeral hall, get the body who's in the casket, often surrounded by flowers, then we go to church to have a ceremony hold, often live music (the organ/orgel and someone singing). A priest hold his/hers speech, maybe someone is holding another speech, some poems and gospels (psalm) are sung. Then it's out with the casket and a funeral train to the graveyard, where another speech or three are held, possibly some singing and the casket is lowered to the bottom as the priest throws in some dirt, followed by a speech, all the guests, closest family throws in roses which lands on the casket, next to and sometimes under. Then the grave diggers starts filling up the hole and everyone walks off... and drives to a catered hall or some family home where everyone eats good foods and talks about fond memories of that person.
Atleast, that's how I've had the funerals I've been to. I'm going to guess it's a norm in Sweden.

This funeral was a bit different.
No church, we didn't get to see the casket being lowered down, nor did anyone throw down flowers.
At the funeral home we got about 30-20 minutes of seeing other people, the casket was up on an altar like place in a larger room with something that could be described as church benches. The casket was surrounded by plants and flowers sent by family and companies showing their sympathy (yes, my husband's company sent the family a beautiful plant to show their sympathy and support for our family. A very very sweet thing.)
You could almost describe this room as a very small church, without a priest altar and a large amount of religious tokes and icons. It was all a very silent place, a place to be silent and show their respect, cry and miss the person being buried.

Alexander got a little impatient at the funeral home so I decided to bring him out, see some family members and look at paintings to occupy him with.
After about 5 minutes, it was time. People walked out the door, I stood outside in the half-rain (it came and dripped a little bit, not a full scaled rain but just a couple of drops here and there, very fitting actually) before moving closer to the door and my more immediate family . Me and Alexander placed us behind Ellen and Amina. Alexander even gave Nana Ellen a reassuring pat on the back of her shoulder. The pole bearers came out and carried the flower decorated casket to the funeral car (likbilen). Then it was off to the graveyard.

It was a long line of cars, our family is big. Some people had the nerve (not related, just random people) to cut us off in the car line or idiotically drive through it to hit another road. Show some respect you damn assholes.
We had a police car escorting us the entire way to the grave yard. He stopped a bunch of cars at the more crowded high way so we could be let through. I felt a small drop of "In your face. Show some respect, assholes." satisfaction.
We arrive and gathered at a tented area where the casket is supposed to be. Anthony and I part, he walks up towards the funeral car together with the other pole bearers and me and Alexander joins Amina to walk up towards the grave site. I notice some tombstones (gravstenar) that dated back as far as 1855. That was pretty cool. So far back. As we walked up towards the hill, yes, she was buried on a hill, which is strangely fitting for her, I pass by some smaller stones on the ground, they are also tombstones, however, they are marked with "unknown" (Okand.). It kind of cut my heart a little bit, how sad. There are bodies buried here but no one knows who they are... just "unknown".
Everyone gathers around, me and Amina sticks close together. Alexander is enjoying watching all the people, though shy. The casket is being put to place on the lowering lines and Anthony joins us, standing behind Dean, who is standing behind Ellen who is sitting down with the rest of her siblings (syskon).
The ceremony starts. The family priest Johnny talks well about Mary, people are crying. Alexander is acting beautifully, I could have not been prouder. He is very quiet, happy, hugging and trying to comfort his father and aunt Amina, he tries to silently play with them, also reach for one of Anthony's cousin who is unaware of this action. I try to stop him as I notice this said cousin is noticeably sad.
Johnny talks very fondly of his memories with Mary. In between the speeches music is being played. All picked out by Mary when she was in the hospital. The woman planned her own funeral.
First we get to listen to Amazing Grace. A man is singing it. It's a very beautiful song, one of the few religiously christian songs I actually enjoy.
Another speech and then we get to hear Johnny Cash sing about time being a beast, consuming your life regardless of you wanting it or not. Very fitting. Another awkward speech is made by a priest-nephew of Mary's. It was a rather awkward speech and it felt like he just wanted to do it just because then he could claim the fame of doing so. It felt very.. attention seeking. Not my cup of tea. Another song is played, this one is about Jesus. Some preaching were told (go and seek jesus, put your faith in him etc.) Again, not my cup of tea, but I respect the ones enough who does it.
I notice my sister in law is very sad, as is my husband. During the whole time while holding Alexander, I pat both my sister in law and husband on their backs and hold them, while juggling Alexander. Yes this was very hard but I'd like to think I atleast managed to bring some comfort in my actions. Not to mention it later killed my left arm from shoulder to hand (I carry Alexander on my left, all the time.)
At one point we were supposed to hold hands with each other as the priest held a prayer towards Mary, wishing her well in the arms of god and that he would care for her. I held Amina's hand, I held Anthony's hand and I had Alexander balancing on my arm. Yes, that was interesting to say atleast.
To be honest, I held in a little bit of crying during really sad parts. I held it in because I was keeping Alexander from getting nervous and worried. I had to be brave for him.
Not once during the ceremony did he ever make a fuss or cry. Another kid from some part of the family had to be escorted away for a bit for being too loud, but no, Alexander is mr. Perfect for some awesome reason. :D
Hell Yeah I'm bragging!
The ceremony ends and everyone or the ones who feels up to it are to go to my grandfather in law's house and eat and discuss their memories of Mary. The priest will come along too, to talk to people, give comfort to my grandfather in law.
As we're standing on the grave site, I decide to hand over Alexander to Anthony and give Granpa (just gonna call him that now) a warming sympathetic hug. He's very sad, it was a nice ceremony but it doesn't hold much comfort.
Then he does something that nearly shocked me a little bit, well, in a sense not but still since I've heard stories about him being a man not showing much emotions. He is crying and when we hug he holds me extra tight.
I haven't seen anyone else hug him, only shake his hand or pat his shoulder, I think it was very needed.
We leave the grave yard and I have Anthony tell me good memories of Mary as I'm telling him my best experiences with her.
It's a sad but with a smile of nostalgia car ride to granpa's, now only, house in Warsaw.

I'm going to continue with the rest tomorrow, for now I'm going to go and rest my hands, they are hurty and swollen and my left shoulder is still busted from juggling Alexander, Anthony and Amina.
G'night for now.